Launch Codes have been Entered: words matter.

It’s raining outside. I’m snuggled up to my pup ignoring a pile of clean clothes that need to be folded. In California, I’d cancel all my plans brew a nice cup of coffee and curl up on the couch for a movie. Also, rain is not a thing there ( or it wasn’t when I was there.) so that was rare. It’s been raining all week here in Mississippi. How weird is that?! It’s the first week of kindergarten for kk and it’s POURING ALL WEEK. 

 

There are plenty of things I need to be doing. My kitchen table is piled high with shirts that need to be made, the sink full of dishes but the quiet house and the sound of rain just begs my soul to open up.  I’ve started witting y’all more than a handful of times in the last few months. What to share? How much to share? A lot has happened but much of it is pretty raw and not very pretty. Are these the things you want to hear?  The things I want to remember?  I think so. If I’m being truly honest with myself these ARE the things I want to remember.  Yes yes yes… remembering that I got inNout AND magnolia cupcakes from Waco is fun (#outandsnack) but what I want to remember is the way our hearts have settled into the T1 lifestyle. We’ve cultivated it and let is surge with hope and excitement. 

The last I wrote y’all, it was right after track select.  It is now one month and 5 days until the next big thing, DROP NIGHT.   (1month, 5days,9hours and 17 mins…. But who is counting right?)  KK is working hard on flying, planning, studying, graduation details and what not. T1derland is lovely as UPT can be. I mean it’s still UPT.  The schedule has been all over the place.  KK is a hard worker but with that comes a lot of long hours.  It’s one of things I love about him but it’s a double-edged sword. I really kinda like that guy and always wish for more time with him.  In the words of a good friend, “it’s the worst when you love them so much.”   

The kids are growing. Like weeds. Make.it.stop.   please and thank you.  kk has started kindergarten. He loves it. Every minute. I love that. Time has flown and I am just in awe of how amazing he is.   Little Miss is outrageous. Not a single thing she does is anything but vivacious.  I think We have a lot of parenting in store for us to guide this strong-willed Goldilocks into the can’t stop won’t stop, no holds bar, productive young adult.  If you see her, reminder that kindness matters. Every chance. You. get.

If you have talked to me in the last month you will already know I’m “reading” (well……I’m actually LISTENING to while I work out), Bob Goff’s Love Does.  There are many many things about it I love about this book but the thing that got me the most this week was “words launch us.”    Words matter, Guys.   

Whether it’s the words of a stranger that tare you to pieces spinning you off into a hurricane of a mood or the admiration of a friend that sees your heart and speaks directly to your soul. Words launch you.  What inspires you? what is pushing you?  and really, what words have you let hold you back?  I can tell you words have had a HUGE effect on my experience here.  

Some words change everything. It has been a very hard year but much of that difficultly was not UPT itself. It was the interpersonal aspect of this type of community.  Personal growth is always good but growth doesn’t come without some growing pains.   I’m not sharing this for your sympathy. I want you to know, to hear deep from my heart, that your words matter.  You have the power to shape the world around you. On a small scale in your home to a large scale … the world around you. Your neighborhood. Your community. Your church. Your squadron.  Your workplace.  Choose your words carefully. 

I want to share some ways that words have launched me in the last year.  Some are ways other people’s words launched me in good and bad ways but some are going to be words I should have chosen better. I should have considered more the raw hearts of my audience before choosing to speak the word so frivolously.  Words matter. 

-Relatively early in our UPT experience I had words spoken to me that challenged my integrity.  The situation doesn’t matter. The person it came from didn’t matter. Only that the words that were used tore jagged holes into my fragile hurting soul.  Integrity is so very important to me.  When you chose to hold someone accountable, I really think we need to consider if we are the right person for the job. If we really understand the situation and have considered the outcome if we are wrong.  This particular incident I allowed the unfounded words to hurt me. I should not have but I did. I wear my heart on my sleeve and sometimes that means it’s not well guarded. This launched months and months of hurt from all parties.  The situation was frustrating but I learned a lot about how I handle that frustration and how I can better direct that frustration.  None of this hurt should have happened and was avoidable.   I will forever be changed by this interaction and the way I use my words. Sometimes we need to consider the source and sometimes we need to search our heart before we speak the hard stuff. Step out prayerfully and carefully.

-AETC. Air Education Training Command.  For those of you who don’t know, this is the training command that the student squadron falls under.  My husband’s class has been SOOO very blessed with some phenomenal leadership. This didn’t come from his class or spouses from his class. Words matter.  How the leadership and instructors interact with students and their families matter.  This job of shaping future pilots and the future of the Air Force is an important one. Be firm but be choice.  There IS a way to respect people AND instruct them appropriately in a military environment. I fear that sometimes the mark is missed here. In attempt to cultivate a hierarchy between the students and permanent party the line is sometimes crossed.  Not a single student here is stupid. The exact opposite. This is an incredibly competitive field. Every. Single. One of the students is brilliant but most likely inexperienced. The words you use with them will launch them. Teach. Guide. Correct. INSPIRE. But let’s be discerning on the way we treat students and cultivate a culture of mutual respect in all areas.

 As for spouses and families:  enlisted or officer families. Newlyweds or not. Babies in tow or not even a twinkle in their eye…. Every single spouse and family member has sacrificed to be here to support the incredible mission their student has in front of them. Treat them with the respect you would your own grandmother. They have earned it. No exceptions. As we say in our house, Each and every one is an “honored guest”. Consider the support you have received from your people. These are the very same to someone else. Let’s treat them as such.

-Truth.  Speak the truth with love. That is such a hard one.  Emotions run high in pilot training. For so many this is their first experience with the military, moving away from home, family and community, or any of the many hurdles that being a pilot in training (or milspouse ) entails. Sometimes this means words that would otherwise have no baggage might bare heavy weight.  Words can so easily cut deeply even without ill intent.  I know that I have not always chosen the right words at times or unintentionally hurt someone with words I thought were just words but were carrying a heavy weight. I do regret these words.

On the flip side, Let’s have some grace with each other. Take a step back and believe the best (not the worst). Let’s assume that there isn’t ill intent.  More often than not are interacting with good willed people. The minute we step back and gain some perspective we might find that we are loved. 

-Lastly,  I sat the other day with a fellow milspouse. Every word swelled in my heart.  We talked for a few hours about life. It is so good to sit with a new friend and feel understood.  The kind words of encouragement were just what I needed in this moment.  Do you see the good in others?  Please tell them.  Don’t miss that moment. Send an encouraging text, fb message, or email. Thank them. Be honest and transparent. Sometimes just a few small words change everything.  Be that light in a hard day.  We all need that. 

Just in case you missed it.  WORDS MATTER. Let’s build each other up.  Launch each other.  Be intentional with each word you choose and have grace with yourself and others if the wrong words come out.   

Turn Turn Turn. Upt phases one and two complete.

As usual I take too long to write. Too much time has passed. I’m avoiding writing about UPT. It’s too hard. It is always changing. I’m not sure how to help you understand just quite what we are going through because I’m honestly not sure I understand myself.   It started with long hours and studying. At some point they added in flying. From what I can see across his face at the end of every day, it’s thrilling and exhausting. In the way that every dream has come true but every muscle in your body hurts.  He has worked hard and balanced family as best as he can. There is so much more to it.  A fine grit that is not easy to pass through my fingertips to the computer and directly to your heart.   The relationships built are deep and hard.  They will forever feel a little bit more special and sting a little but more.  We have laugh and loved. We have grown and learned. All while the long hours wear us down and plant tiny seeds of hope that one day this training process will be over and we will finally be where we are supposed to be. That’s funny though, because it’s fleeting.  Upt will end but more training will begin. A new assignment, new friends, a new village but again it will be for a season.  Turn turn turn. ( Fade out to The Byrds… I’ll give you a moment).   

KK is finally T6 complete. It was a roller-coaster of sickness and weather but in the end… the thunder held off. Phase two of pilot training ended on the most beautiful day starting with Track select and ending with dinner by the lake with the sun glistening.   I’d love to say that every dream has come true. I’d love to tell you that if you work hard anything is attainable.  Please continue to dream. Continue to work hard even if the dream you think you want never moves from your heart to reality.  Sometimes the dream you think you want isn’t part of the master plan. I will tell you, we seek fervently not the dream we think we want but that our dreams align with, and our hearts have peace in, where Gods plans take us.  There have been more than a few hard examples in our married life where we begged God for something very specific. Something we thought our hearts needed.  Things God did not grant us. I remember one specific time regarding a military assignment that left me in bed for a whole day crying. I thought I knew what I needed, what I wanted. God knew better. In the end, each and every time the road split and we traveled in an unknown direction, with our GPS in our hearts screaming “ROUTE RECALCULATING” the destination was ALWAYS infinitely better than our tiny hearts could have ever imagined.    I know looking back I will see this moment in our life on this same list.  From the moment, I met my soon to be husband, his heart was determined to be a fighter pilot.  I wish I didn’t have to share this. I wish that I could tell you, OF COURSE WE SECRETLY WANTED T1s. I would not be honoring my commitment to honesty here.  He, WE, really wanted T38s( fighter track). We buried the idea deep in our hearts. We treasured it and truly believed if he worked hard it was possible.   There were a series of things that led to this class receiving less fighter track slots than we were expecting. There’s so much that goes into it. The entire class killed it. They worked so hard. So many were deserving.  There just wasn't enough for everyone. Very few active duty slots were ultimately given to this class.  The ones that were, were undeniably deserving of the slots. It’s such an easier blow to take when the people that DID get the slots were the right people. When hard working honorable people finish first it’s hard to be heartbroken about it.  Mourning the loss of a dream in our hearts does not diminish the joy we have for them attaining theirs.   KK received his track to the T1. This track leads to flying bombers and heavies/ cargo planes.  There is sooo much good to be said for this track.  We have many many good friends that are from this type of air-frame and love it so much.  We have taken a brief moment to steady our hearts.  I don’t think that it’s wrong to have a moment to mourn the loss of a dream as we recalculate for the next step. We want to dive head in with excitement and anticipation for the future holds in this new recalculated dream.  

For now, KK will finish out the program here in MS. The plan is to graduate in the fall. At that time. He will sort through the available air-frames and turn in a dreamsheet listing in each air-frame available in the order desired. Many things go into the actual “who gets what” and how the assignments fall but once again we trust in the process and will be at peace with the decision made.   Please pray that we keep that fresh in our hearts. Pray for all the residual life items outside of pilot training. We don’t get to do this thing inside a bubble guarding our hearts from the rest of the things life throws at you. Pray for relationships, health and healing. Pray for focus and rest.   I know that we don’t get the opportunity to connect with all of our family/ friends near and far as often as we should. Please be patient with us as we press on through this training process. We love you even from afar. 

Part Two: a casual break.

I'm an expert procrastinator. Clearly why I'm updating you about my summer when it's JANUARY!  Such is life. We are back in the groove of UPT and I am enjoying a lull between drop night shirt orders.   I figure now is as good a time as ever to update you on PART TWO ( of the catch up blogs).

KK and I have been married for about 10 1/2 years. Much of that time was spent working over time with stressful jobs and little to no vacation time.   This is why the time in our life after Officers training and before Pilots Training was especially glorious.

The Air Force places it members awaiting training ( unless its VERY brief) into what they ( we? people?) call "casual status". ---  "they" makes it sound official.  DISCLAIMER: I am not the authority on ANYTHING. so what I call official may or may not be accurate---    On causal status, they place the member in an entry level position around the base to 'earn their keep'  while waiting for training to start.   KK was assigned an excellent position in the med clinic working for a great DR!  As always, KK worked hard and gave 110%.   That's his jam.  Good work ethic is a very serious matter for him and a deep rooted ideal.  Even still, he was off by 5pm every day without it holding any mental space.  What an amazing thing!  He held this position for 5 or 6 months.  I can not express to you how good that time was for us.  The kids needed time with Dad. We ate dinner together every day. We  played in the kiddie pool in the front yard, hosted and attended COUNTLESS bbq's. We even bought a projector so we could host movie nights in the front yard.  We made it to church more often than not and just spent time enjoying our community.

We made time for a real vacation to the beach.  We have NEVER done that.  I lucked into a deal for an 1800 sq ft  condo penthouse in a high rise right on the beach in Florbama.  We have friends down that way ( remember my friend who I had never been face to face with but she picked me up at OTS  drove me and the kids to florida, hosted us in her house and took me to the spa?!?  ya that friend).   It was great to have friends for the kids to play with, to put my feet in the warm sand, to really take in every smile and live in each moment.  It was nothing short of magical. 

During this time, we also had a chance to get away and celebrate our TEN YEAR anniversary.  Lets pause and think about every nineteen year old you know.  How is it possible we got married when we were so young and stupid?  What a mighty thing is it to be so blessed  and fruitful in a marriage bound by such youthful souls.  Marriage is HARD y'all.  We have been through soo much. Because of such hardship and by the grace of God, we are able to stand here at pilot training in such a good place.  All that is a story for another day.  We decided to drop the kids with my sister at HER in-laws in TN  and hop a place for a few days in NYC!   I never knew just quite how much of a city girl I am until I found myself  longing to never leave New York.  The food, the bustle of the city, the music and culture.  Oh man, You just lost me to NYC day dreams.  I loved every minute of it.  We ate and walked and ate some more.  I'm forever grateful to my sister and her in-laws for loving on my babes so we can have a moment alone in the city.   The kids had it good too.  What better way to spend the week than to go to the lake house and fish with your cousins!?  My sister is one of my favorite people in the entire world. She is endlessly generous and has such a HUGE heart.  I know she didn't think twice about doubling her kids for the week.


I will always remember this time in our life fondly. This was clearly the season of favor I had prayed for, for so long.  I hope as you read between the lines you see the blessing of community we have.  Every step of our way we have had people just pour out for us.  From financial help during the time KK had still not been paid, baby sitters, dog sitters, food, clothing and everything  else imaginable.  Generosity is contagious. We are so thankful to continue to pay this forward in Christ like love to those around us.  We want to share in our blessing.  I pray that we have eyes to see needs of those around us and the strength to act swiftly when We can meet those needs.